#1 humor site on the 'net

Typeface for Doctors

Understanding a Doctor's Handwriting

Typeface for Doctors thanks to Keith Blake

Medical Hieroglyphics 101

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


New Audi

Netherlands Parking Lot

Wine Bibber

Tylenol Ban

Politician Plane

Seaweed Burger

Louisiana Potholes

Marathon Runner Tip

Spit Priorities

How To Argue With A Woman

Montreal Protest

Suitcase Staycation

Math Lab Bust

Life And Beer Are Very Similar

Girlfriend Math

Shopping With Your Husband

Billy Goat Gruff

Handwritting

Political Floor

Costco Beach Towel

GoosePrints

Fish Fingers

PEI Weather

One At A Time