#1 humor site on the 'net

Weight Wait

Some days it's hard to get on the scale

Weight Wait thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Only fish like scales

QuotaBills
I'm a fat anorexic. - Kiri Te Kanawa

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

A fat purse never lacks friends. - Unknown

Laughter is by definition healthy. - Doris Lessing

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. - Jim Eason

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. - Benjamin Franklin

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

When healthy competition prevails - you come out to play and you play to win. - Lorii Myers

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. - Herb Caen

A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good 'til as dead as a log. - Benjamin Franklin

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other. - Unknown

Life, if you're fat, is a minefield - you have to pick your way, otherwise you blow up. - Miriam Margolyes

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

A healthy, if well-concealed, respect for one's own capabilities is essential, but it should never lead to underestimating those of the opponent. - Jack Nicklaus


Miss Chernobyl 2004

Fish Lips

Easy Mopping

African Lunch

Structural Books

Honda Boxer Engine

Sick Tombstone

No Drip

Gun Leash

Whole Human

Antler Field

Moon Football

Bike Rack

Straight From The Cow

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Lateral Thinking

Da Hood Shirt

Quiet Place To Study

No Beatle Haircuts

Lego Anatomy

His First Hot Rod

Hair Safety

Open Air Reader

Vacation At Last