QuotaBillsI go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears
Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson
We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield
Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert
All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr
Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason
I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker
When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary
No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin
You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki
I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel
A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett
Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns
I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright
No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma
You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx
The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin
To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway
You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke
When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson
I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah