Young Mechanic Apprentice

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller