Young Mechanic Apprentice

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Eat: What kids do between meals, but not at them - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Arpeggio: The story book kid with the big nose that grows - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. - John S Mill

A designer is an emerging synthesis of artist, inventor, mechanic, objective economist and evolutionary strategist. - R. Buckminster Fuller

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com