Zoo Dude

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? - George Carlin

The drowning man grips to his own hair. - Greek Proverb

Even the worst haircut eventually grows out. - Lisa Kogan

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush. - Oliver Herford

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? - Dr Gonzo

He doesn't dye his hair, he bleaches his face. - Johnny Carson

I feel old when I see mousse in my opponent's hair. - Andre Aggassi

You can't compete with a six foot five man in a wig. - Shemar Moore

Every day People straighten up the hair, why not the heart? - Ernesto Guevara

Experience is a comb life gives you after you lose your hair. - Judith Stern

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. - P G Wodehouse

I really mustache you a question... but I'll shave it for later. - Unknown

I don't consider myself bald. I'm simply taller than my hair. - Tom Sharp

People think a Muslim has to have a turban or a big beard. It's stupid. - T-Pain

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. - Phyllis Diller

I don't want a wig that looks like a wig; I want one that could pass for a weave. - Nicki Minaj

As long as I can wear a wig I can be any character, and in real life I can be myself. - Ginnifer Goodwin

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, 'God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!' - Dolly Parton

If you wear a wig, everybody notices. But if you then dye the wig, people notice the dye. - Andy Warhol

I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Whether you're a man or not comes from your heart, not how much hair you have on your head. - Bruce Willis

I slipped at a bus stop; I went one way and my hair went the other. That was the end of my wig. - Tia Carrere

Do I have a large frog in my hair? I'm worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten. - Joaquin Phoenix

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less with baldness. - Cicero

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. - George Burns

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. - Khalil Gibran

I benefit from the Mr. Potato Head syndrome. Put a wig and a nose and glasses on me, and I disappear. - Phil Hartman

Many of us are at the 'metallic' age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants. - Unknown

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

You really just want to know that somebody loves you for you. Sometimes you feel like an ATM machine with a wig on it. - Mariah Carey

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing

I wore a thong and a bra and a wig. Those things hurt. I mean, thongs? Like, they dig in. It takes a tough man to be a woman. - Hank Azaria

I'm acting when I serve as a hostess, when I run my wig business. I was born to act, and life itself is the greatest part. - Eva Gabor

You know, sometimes I feel well and vital in the world, and sometimes I just feel so distressed I want to pull my hair out by the roots. - Sharon Stone

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor

His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big;
His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig. - Edward Lear