Almost Floats On Water

Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

The water doesn't know how old you are. - Dara Torres

Water that does not move is always shallow. - Sami Proverb

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. - Josh Billings

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

I moved to Florida because you don't have to shovel water. - James Randi

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten

If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number? - Robin Williams

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - WC Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. - Shunryi Suzuki-roshi

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

I like the map feature on the iPhone that tells me where I am, because I travel a lot. - Gary Shteyngart

The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. - Ernest Hemingway

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

What is harder than rock, or softer than water? Yet soft water hollows out hard rock. Persevere. - Ovid

To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying, "Your end of the boat is sinking." - Hugh Downs

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

Be ruthless about your calendar - stick to it, hell or high water but create space for unstructured time as well. - Arjun Arora

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown