#1 humor site on the 'net

Almost Floats On Water

Sinking feeling with your TV remote

Almost Floats On Water thanks to Barry McCartney

Maybe it would float on the Dead Sea

QuotaBills
Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

The water doesn't know how old you are. - Dara Torres

Water that does not move is always shallow. - Sami Proverb

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. - Josh Billings

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

I moved to Florida because you don't have to shovel water. - James Randi

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten

If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number? - Robin Williams

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - WC Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. - Shunryi Suzuki-roshi

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

I like the map feature on the iPhone that tells me where I am, because I travel a lot. - Gary Shteyngart

The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. - Ernest Hemingway

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

What is harder than rock, or softer than water? Yet soft water hollows out hard rock. Persevere. - Ovid

To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying, "Your end of the boat is sinking." - Hugh Downs

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

Be ruthless about your calendar - stick to it, hell or high water but create space for unstructured time as well. - Arjun Arora

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Car Wrecker

Redneck Faucet

Feather Cleaning

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Tough Love

Easter Island

Flood Bridge

Don't Count On It

Upended Water Buffalo

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Face Heater

Leap Year Shirt

World's Greatest Typo

Icehenge

Found It!

Puma Pants

Polar Bear Attack

Foot Sign Language

Winter Tires

Hooters Face Mask

Latte Art

Whiskey Toothpaste

Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News