#1 humor site on the 'net

Car-nage

Some cars are not meant to be drop-kicked

Car-nage thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Is it wrong to drop drunks off at houses that aren't theirs? - Unknown

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

At 79, if you drop something it just lies there. At 80, people pick it up for you. - Helen Van Slyke

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters! Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop! - W H Auden

He drained the cup of God's wrath bone dry, leaving not a drop for us to drink. - Richard A Bodey

I don't consider myself a heavy drinker, I often go hours without touching a drop. - Noel Coward

Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse. - H L Mencken

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

When you live your life by poor standards, you inflict damage on everyone who crosses your path, especially those you love. - Jordan Belfort

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage. - Melody Beattie

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Arthur Conan Doyle

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Redneck Shelves

Google Classic

In Touch Today

Delicious Grief

Amplified Beer

How to Twerk at Work

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally

Scooter Hearse

Thailand Ferry

Hard Hat Safety

Water Coolant

Spray-On Clothing

Bright Bookshelf

Saddle Surprise

Politicians Be Like

Senior Aerobics

Foiled Again

Redneck Beer Hunter

Pair Produce

Potting Pot

Ice Cream Burqa

Dog Soother

Fourk