#1 humor site on the 'net

Car-nage

Some cars are not meant to be drop-kicked

Car-nage thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
A jug fills drop by drop. - Buddha

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Just get a bag and drop a dream in it, and you'll be surprised what happens. - Charles N. Reilly

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters! Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop! - W H Auden

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. - Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Arthur Conan Doyle

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Motorcycle Enforcement in Japan

Safe Sex Dress

'Time To Quit' Friend

Ostrich Passion

How To Spot An Amish Terrorist

I Can Bearly See Him

Digital Analog Clock

Motion Detector Camera Night Activity

Swinging Tea Pot

Instant Acrophobia

Arab Barking Lot

Politics in Canada and the United States

Dog Recipe

Rubik's Cube Jigsaw Puzzle

Redneck Parachute

Historical Marker

10 Years From Now

Redneck Motorcycle Hunter

Age In Cat Years

Texas Tornado Warning

Impossible Illusions

Country SUV

President Guidance

Cornrow Politics