Chanukah Special

Off-the-docks Jews (Orthodox Jews) - Archie Bunker

All men are Jews, except they don't know it. - Bernard Malamud

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

I don't think anyone has been slandered more than the Jews. - Fidel Castro

I'm not a Jew. I'm Jewish. I don't go the whole hog. - Jonathan Miller

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering. - Milton Berle

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

You still can't find Israel on a map of the Middle East in a Palestinian schoolbook. - Suzanne Fields

It took one night to get Israel out of Egypt but forty years to get Egypt out of Israel. - George Morrison

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum. - Havelock Ellis

This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw

Every year during their High Holy Days, the Jewish community reminds us all of our need for repentance and forgiveness. - Billy Graham

Israel is still the only country in the world against which there is a written document to the effect that it must disappear. - Menachem Begin

It goes back to Christianity's affiliation with Judaism as Passover. Easter is as important to Christians as Passover is to the Jews. - Glenn Duffy

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky