Joe-ks.com
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Computer Support
Solving hardware problems one byte at a time
Tech Support: How can I help you?
Female Caller: “Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing.”
Tech Support: “I will have a technician come over first thing this morning. Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can.”
When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was, and said what happened to it. This is what the technician found wrong...
Female Caller: “Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing.”
Tech Support: “I will have a technician come over first thing this morning. Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can.”
When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was, and said what happened to it. This is what the technician found wrong...
Tech Support: “It must have been after the mouse!”
The computer is a moron. - Peter F Drucker
Even snakes are afraid of snakes. - Steven Wright
Computer viruses should count as life. - Stephen Hawking
You can't write poetry on the computer. - Quentin Tarantino
Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. - Persian Proverb
A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb
Immunity to boredom gives the computer an edge. - Alan Lakein
Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. - John F Kennedy
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. - Jeff Pesis
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut. - Robin Williams
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak
The computer is down. I hope it's something serious. - Stanton Delaplane
Iconomic: Making do with fewer icons on your computer desktop - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. - Ken Olson
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich
If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake. - Bern Williams
When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying
If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes. - H. Ross Perot
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips
Please leave my computer alone. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat. - Heather Wolf
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
Learning by doing, peer-to-peer teaching, and computer simulation are all part of the same equation. - Nicholas Negroponte
You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs
I use a computer. I don't know if that qualifies me as a techie, but I'm pretty good on the computer. - Leonard Nimoy
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. - Milton Berle
Man is the cheapest 150-pound nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. - NASA
The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney
Even snakes are afraid of snakes. - Steven Wright
Computer viruses should count as life. - Stephen Hawking
You can't write poetry on the computer. - Quentin Tarantino
Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake. - Persian Proverb
A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb
Immunity to boredom gives the computer an edge. - Alan Lakein
Computer logic is no substitute for human wisdom. - Unknown
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. - John F Kennedy
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. - Jeff Pesis
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut. - Robin Williams
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak
The computer is down. I hope it's something serious. - Stanton Delaplane
Iconomic: Making do with fewer icons on your computer desktop - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. - Ken Olson
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich
If Adam and Eve were alive today, they would probably sue the snake. - Bern Williams
When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying
If you see a snake, just kill it - don't appoint a committee on snakes. - H. Ross Perot
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips
Please leave my computer alone. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat. - Heather Wolf
Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - WC Fields
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
Learning by doing, peer-to-peer teaching, and computer simulation are all part of the same equation. - Nicholas Negroponte
You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs
I use a computer. I don't know if that qualifies me as a techie, but I'm pretty good on the computer. - Leonard Nimoy
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. - Milton Berle
Man is the cheapest 150-pound nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor. - NASA
The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. - Andy Rooney
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