Cracks Me Up

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Himalaya: A rooster that lays an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I always wake up at the crack of ice. - Joe E Lewis

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. - German proverb

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

Being kissed by a man who doesn't wax his moustache is like eating an egg without salt. - Rudyard Kipling

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. - Mark Twain

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins