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Cracks Me Up

Which came first - the chicken or the egg?

Cracks Me Up thanks to Wayne Nowazek

An egglusion, one shell at a time

QuotaBills
Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wise Crack: A comedian with a PHD - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Himalaya: A rooster that lays an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

One good egg in a barrel of rotten apples. - Archie Bunker

God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. - German proverb

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

Egg: 1. A day's work for a hen; 2. A bird's hometown. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. - Will Rogers

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

The world is an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress. - Arthur Miller

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. - D.H. Lawrence

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


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