Cracks Me Up

I always wake up at the crack of ice. - Joe E Lewis

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

One good egg in a barrel of rotten apples. - Archie Bunker

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. - German proverb

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn't cook it! - Gordon Ramsay

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

The world is an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress. - Arthur Miller

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Being kissed by a man who doesn't wax his moustache is like eating an egg without salt. - Rudyard Kipling

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. - D.H. Lawrence

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

A reputation, once damaged, may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins