Cracks Me Up

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I always wake up at the crack of ice. - Joe E Lewis

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Inflation: everyone's illusion of wealth - Unknown

God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. - German proverb

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. - Noam Chomsky

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn't cook it! - Gordon Ramsay

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

The world is an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress. - Arthur Miller

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

Being kissed by a man who doesn't wax his moustache is like eating an egg without salt. - Rudyard Kipling

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. - Bernard Meltzer

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

A reputation, once damaged, may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins