Diet Swing

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

Have a healthy disregard for the impossible. - Larry Page

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. - Unknown

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy. - Groucho Marx

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a healthy, wise old man. - Lin Yutang

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon