#1 humor site on the 'net

Horn Blower

Using statues to improve the weather

Horn Blower thanks to Keith Blake

A normal day in the afterlife of Captain Hornblower

QuotaBills
Every cloud has a silver lining. - Proverb

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Grey skies are just clouds passing over. - Duke Ellington

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. - Maya Angelou

I started out as a gaseous cloud. Then I cooled. - Jack Nicholson

Blowing your own horn only makes other people go deaf. - Unknown

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Wishes and fears are illusions, Dil Bahadur, not realities. You must practice detachment. - Isabel Allende

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds. - Mike Tyson

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. - Don Marquis

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

Don't depend on anyone else to toot your horn. I mean, do you really want their lips on it, anyway? - Faydra D. Fields

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

The visions are fragmented and a dark cloud spreads like spilt ink across the pages of possible futures. - Garth Nix

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Dreams or illusions, call them what you will, they lift us from the commonplace of life to better things. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

That black cloud is coming from the direction the wind is blowing, now the wind is coming from where the black cloud is. - Ray Illingworth

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. - W H Auden

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright


Hockey PlayHers

Concealed Weapon

Lettuce Face

Devoted Husband

Dental Car

Donut Seeds

Pill Man

Bus Wait Weight

It Should Start

Hi, My Name's Cliff - Drop Over Some Time!

Sparks Recycling

Last Gasp Request

Flower Shop For Men

Canadian Archaeology

Tank Top Security

One Beer A Day

Tennis Hammock

Fare Dodger

Husband of the Year

Bolder Boulder

Shoe Stop

Exactly How I Feel

Circle Of Life

Outback Waterhole