Kenwood Chef

Marriage is the sunset of love. - French Proverb

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

A round wife and a full barn are the signs of good success. - Amish Saying

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield