Kenwood Chef

Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst