Merry Christmas from the Moistwest Territories

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

The buffalo is a surprisingly stupid animal. - Ellsworth Huntington

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

I had the best buffalo horse that ever made a track. - Buffalo Bill

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

A people without history is like the wind on the buffalo grass. - Lakota Sioux Proverb

Problems that are procrastinated on are only amplified. Be the buffalo. - Unknown

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

Few Indians only had breech cloths, most being wrapped in buffalo robes, otherwise quite naked. - Zebulon Pike

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Economies of scale are a good thing. If we didn't have them, we'd still be living in tents and eating buffalo. - Jamie Dimon

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon