Mustache Soother

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

It takes a whole village to raise a child. - African Proverb

One hour with a child is like a ten-mile run. - Joan B. Samuelson

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. - Joe Houldsworth

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a child, nobody died; but now it happens all the time. - Unknown

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

I'm contributing to the, waddya call, on the loosincy of a child. - Archie Bunker

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most important question in the world is, "Why is the child crying?" - Alice Walker

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

The vivacity of children is always charming, because it is always sincere. A grave child is a rose without fragrance. - Unknown

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark

You can be childlike without being childish. A child always wants to have fun. Ask yourself, 'Am I having fun?' - Christopher Meloni

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul. - Friedrich Frobel

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia