#1 humor site on the 'net

New Year's Baby

Some Moms push too much to have first babies of the year

New Year's Baby thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bubba took fertility enhancing pills just before birth

QuotaBills
Nipper: Baby crab - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

Dapper Diaper: Well-dressed baby underwear. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Titillate: A tardy meal for a breast-fed baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. - Mignon McLaughlin

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton

But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay


All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse