#1 humor site on the 'net

No-Elephant Building

Things looked bad for Amy that day at the playschool

No-Elephant Building thanks to Keith Blake

Closed for 'pets not allowed' maintenance

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Women and elephants never forget. - Dorothy Parker

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

You can kid the world, but not your sister. - Charlotte Gray

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The elephant does not limp when walking on thorns. - African Proverb

Anything related to elephants is irrelephant. - Unknown

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

When two elephants fight it is the grass that gets trampled. - African Proverb

The taller the building, the deeper the foundation needs to be. - Unknown

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat. - Todd Stocker

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. - Dave Barry

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

I'm pretty intentional about being highly invested in my kids' lives. - Mark Batterson

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. - Herb Caen

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I'm with you kid, let's go. - Maya Angelou

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

What really motivates people at Facebook is building stuff that they're proud of. - Mark Zuckerberg

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Without my pets, my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty. - Unknown

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. - Socrates

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I was a huge bookworm as a kid, and you could usually find me reading something with a dragon on its cover. - Julie Kagawa

You describe the elephant by its size, but the mosquito by its impact. Even the smallest thing has an impact. - Celia Apeagyei-Collins

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I don't think much of a dance step where the girl looks like she was being carried out of a burning building. - Kin Hubbard

God is in the resume-building business. He is always using past experiences to prepare us for future opportunities. - Mark Batterson

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind - the answer is twelve. I think I'm in the wrong building. - Charles Schulz

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there. - Sergio Aragones

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


Hairy Potter

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Crosswalk Casualty

The Tree Is Up, Dear

One Too Many

Owl Garden

GhetToes

Statue Pose

Magnetic Personality

Giant Texas Red Centipede

Snow Barrier

Buddhist Tempull

Truck Lift Repair

In-Spired Safety Tip

Secruity Parking Spot

Only In Thailand - Time To Clean The Pet Snake

Remote Outdoors

Scaffolding for the Dirt Cheap Contractor

Fix It Later Detour

I Smell A Rat

Adhesive Shade

Be Anything You Want

Tractor Pull

Canadian Ice Shrub