#1 humor site on the 'net

One Thousand Words

English word grammar at its best

One Thousand Words thanks to Vikki Levan

Picture worth a thousand words

QuotaBills
Is there another word for synonym? - George Carlin

What's another word for thesaurus? - Steven Wright

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers

Good sayings are like pearls strung together. - Chinese Proverb

Synonym Bun: What a thesaurus eats for breakfast - Unknown

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas


Cutting Edge Delivery

Sunset Eclipse

Diet Swing

Lamp Escape

Strong Straws

Lucky Spectator

Breadlace

I Think I'll Hold It

Instant Coffee Tragedy

Cow Camouflage

Room For Two

Neandertallica

Key-o-Saurus

Pure Maple Syrup

Dentist Drill

Wife Consumption

Dog Proctologist

Vintage Birth Control

Used Cows For Sale

Stylish Butcher

Greek Financial Path

God Gives Restaurant

Rubik's Cube Puzzle-Meant

Modern Printing Press