#1 humor site on the 'net

Pet Fish Chores

The one that got away during swimming lessons

Ryan caught and released this fish in downtown Austin, Texas on Lady Bird Lake. A jogger passing by asked him if he caught it there. Ryan told him, “No, it's a pet fish I’m taking for a swim.”
Pet Fish Chores thanks to Keith Blake

Pulling 'em in, hook, line and sinker

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Castanet: Primitive fishing method - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Holy Mackerel: Fish served at Church supper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

We've got a name for sushi in Georgia... bait. - Blake Clark

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

At high tide, fish eat ants; at low tide, ants eat fish. - Thai Saying

It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings. - Kurt Cobain

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Ideal Summer Resort: A place where fish bite and mosquitoes don't - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Do not overdo it. - Lao Tzu

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

Any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish and loses had it coming. - John Steinbeck

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. - Thomas Jefferson

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

Fishing is not like billiards, in which it is possible to attain a disgusting perfection. - Arthur Ransome

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Fisherman: A sportsman, who sometimes catches a big fish by patience, sometimes by luck, but most often by the tale - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.


Icelandic Police Donuts

Size Matters

Crowd Surfing - Expert Level

Dream The Impossible

When Life Gets You Down

Redneck Estate Sale

How To Tweet Others

Nutella Soother

Autumn Camouflage

Go Play Outside

Be Someone

Arkansas Divorce Application

Three Finger Carrot

Braided Horse Tail

Owl Glove

Far North Cable Guys

Openish Hours

Lead Sled Dog

Pet Food Tester

Gold Bar Carrot Cake

Looking For A Mate

Food For Thought

Kanye Twitty

Skull Tentacles