Red Wine Diet

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown