#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Chicken Farmer

At least Bubba didn't let the fox into the chicken coop

Redneck Chicken Farmer thanks to Keith Blake

Cross dressers on the farm

QuotaBills
Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Exact: What eggs do on stage - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whisker: A chef who beats eggs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hatchet: What a hen does to an egg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Deviled Eggs: What wicked chickens lay - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Helicopter: An egg beater with ambition - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

One good egg in a barrel of rotten apples. - Archie Bunker

You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb

Cackle: The commercial announcement of a hen. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Them eggs over there are startin' to foment. - Archie Bunker

Eve: The first chicken to ruin a man's garden - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. - French Proverb

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

Egg: 1. A day's work for a hen; 2. A bird's hometown. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If one cannot catch the bird of paradise, better take a wet hen. - Nikita Krushchev

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. - H L Mencken

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn't cook it! - Gordon Ramsay

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

I'll be down in the front row with a basket of last month's eggs. - WC Fields

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

Like blind hens, we are ignorant of our own self and the depths within us. - Johannes Tauler

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Hens do cackle loudest when there's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid. - Ambrose Bierce

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Thank God I've got eyebrows like bacon, because I've always got egg on my face. - Jarod Kintz

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. - Milton Berle

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

The Honourable Lady was once an egg and people on both sides of this House greatly regret its fertilisation. - Nicholas Fairbairn

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. - Bernard Meltzer

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

The USA demanding that North Korea halt its nuclear program is akin to the fox demanding that the hens open their coup. - Steven Magee

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Not every hen lay eggs. Not every hen that lays eggs gets them hatched. Not everyone born with greatness becomes as such. Go, hatch your eggs. - Israelmore Ayivor

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip

Cat Couch Nap

Redneck Trophy Fish

Country Irony

'None Of The Above' Election Option

I've Got Your Back

Vintage Campers

Great Minds of History

But That Was Yesterday

Trudeau's Top Fails

Picture Of Me Getting Naked

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Fear Of Change

Yes!

Unger Games