#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Hood Ornament

The car was starting to run a little hot the last few miles

An elderly couple were on their way to Tawas City, Michigan. They stopped at a McDonalds in Augres, just off of US Highway 23. They didn't realize that they had hit a deer! Someone in McDonalds had to tell them...

Redneck Hood Ornament thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Caution: Deer Was On Road

When is it time to turn in one's license?

QuotaBills
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

The fabled musk deer searches the world over for the source of the scent which comes from itself. - Ramakrishna

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident. - Charles Lamb

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

If you are a writer, you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space. - Joyce Carol Oates

Canada should always open its doors to those who are oppressed or in cases of emergency. When Canada offered refuge to 50,000 boat people in Vietnam in the 1970s, I was particularly proud to be Canadian. - David Suzuki

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance. - Brian Tracy

Investors have few spare tires left. Think of the image of a car on a bumpy road to an uncertain destination that has already used up its spare tire. The cash reserves of people have been eaten up by the recent market volatility. - Mohamed El-Erian

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car. - Bill Bryson

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds "amazing". - Steven Wright

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen Goodman

Al Gore, the former vice-president of the United States, lives in a mansion that uses more electricity than the average family's bungalow! David Suzuki rides on a bus that uses more fuel than a Smart car to get across Canada! And this is just the tip of the vanishing iceberg! - Linwood Barclay


First Segway

Nosey Bird

Cyclist Roast

Bike Vaulting

Balanced Food Delivery

Gone To Market

iPhone Evolution

New Air Canada Seats

Texas Wal-Mart Shopper

Walk Sign Ending

Kid Straps

Redneck Water Heater

Bike Comb

Programmer Logic

Team Foosball

Slow Down Sign

Bike Chaser

NFL Referees

No Go Intersection

Staple Diet

Darth Vader Dog

PacMan Lights

Uncommon Name

DMV Office