QuotaBillsValentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser
Fancy Restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Sour Kraut: Unhappy with the fare in the Berlin restaurant - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash
Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan
Her face looked like something on the menu in a seafood restaurant. - Woody Allen
You cannot come to a Nigerian restaurant without having pepper soup. - Ben Okri
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno
Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer
I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman
I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland
The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper
I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?" - Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright
Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin
The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Eating a tuna roll at a sushi restaurant should be considered no more environmentally benign than driving a Hummer or harpooning a manatee. - Daniel Pauly
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton
Cannibal: 1. One who is fed up with people; 2. A person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter; 3. One who loves his fellow man with gravy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz
I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. - Paul Simon
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle
Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven
Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henny Youngman
Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown
One's home is like a delicious piece of pie you order in a restaurant on a country road one cozy evening - the best piece of pie you have ever eaten in your life - and can never find again. - Lemony Snicket