Room For Two

Friends are the family you choose. - Jennifer Aniston

True friends stab you in the front. - Oscar Wilde

Have no friends not equal to yourself. - Confucius

Howling Success: The baby that gets picked up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I was innocent, then my best friends came along. - Unknown

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces. - Mae West

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

We make more enemies by what we say than friends by what we do. - John C Collins

The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. - Rudyard Kipling

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

A quarrel between friends, when made up, adds a new tie to friendship. - Saint Francis de Sales

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms. - George Eliot

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in the worth and choice. - Ben Jonson

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Skunk: 1. A streamlined cat with a 2-tone finish and a fluid drive; 2. A community scenter. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our ability to amuse them. - Evelyn Waugh

We've been friends for so long I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence. - Unknown

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. - Unknown

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. - Jane Goodall

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin