#1 humor site on the 'net

Runaway Tree

Arborist get to the root of the problem

Runaway Tree thanks to Hans Pagels

How to plant bare root trees in Kalaloch, Washington

QuotaBills
Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

Storms make the oak take deeper root. - George Herbert

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A root is a flower that disdains fame. - Kahlil Gibran

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

The spirit of self-help is the root of all genuine growth in the individual. - Samuel Smiles

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good. - Soren Kierkegaard

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses. - Francis Bacon

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children - one is roots, and the other, wings. - Hodding S. Carter

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. - Thomas Overbury

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

The words 'figure' and 'fictitious' both derive from the same Latin root, 'fingere.' Beware! - M.J. Moroney

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

You know, sometimes I feel well and vital in the world, and sometimes I just feel so distressed I want to pull my hair out by the roots. - Sharon Stone

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being. - Tully C. Knoles


Brazil Banisters

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

VW Treehouse

Crocodile Fall

Hoodie Onesy

BUSker

Monsoon TV

Worked For Them

Colon Celery

Hot Tub Cover

Piano Dress

Parking Guide

Apology to Potential Criminals

Before Morning Coffee

Sons Of Arthritis

Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary