Slum Penthouse

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

Wherever you are is my home - my only home. - Charlotte Bronte

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved. - Ann Douglas

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

To be happy in the home is the ultimate result of all ambition. - Samuel Johnson

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. - Confucius

One road leads home and a thousand roads lead into the wilderness. - C S Lewis

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. - Robert Frost

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds come home to roost. - Arthur Miller

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

If you want to know who is going to change this country, go home and look in the mirror. - Maude Barlow

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. - Bob Newhart

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

You need a plan to build a house. To build a life, it is even more important to have a plan or goal. - Zig Ziglar

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate.
What's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her. - Ryan Reynolds

You reached into my soul and rearranged the position of my bones,
You rebuilt my rib cage so your heart could be home. - Unknown

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock. - Ronald Reagan

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon