#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas Door Handle

How to shoot your way into a Redneck house

Texas Door Handle thanks to Mike King

Specialty door knobs to dress up your door panel

QuotaBills
Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Silence is the ultimate weapon of power. - Charles de Gaulle

Confidence is the hinge on the door to success. - Mary O'Hare Dumas

Never argue with a woman, a winner, or a weapon. - Frank Dane

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions. - Unknown

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot. - Clarence Thomas

If you shut your door to all errors, truth will be shut out. - Rabindranath Tagore

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. - Benjamin Franklin

A man who does not plan long ahead will find trouble at his door. - Confucius

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go - e e cummings

A diamond is just a piece of coal that handles stress exceptionally well. - Unknown

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

When you ask "What if..." you open the door to all your options. - Unknown

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. - John Barrymore

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

We make our friends. We make our enemies. But God makes our next-door neighbour. - G K Chesterton

It is much easier to imagine ghastly new biological weapons than to create them. - Andrew Pollack

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

A world without nuclear weapons would be less stable and more dangerous for all of us. - Margaret Thatcher

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling. - Robert M Pirsig

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. - Marcus Aurelius

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher


Sharp Sign

Pulled You Over

'No Fart Forest' for Extreme Fire Hazards

Leaf Edge

Windmill Guitar

Redneck Shave

Coffee Grinds

Legal Exhibit

Cattle Breeding

Study to Fail

Light Bulb

Lifeguard Distancing

Giant Grasshopper

Horse Hearse

Train Boat

Yarn Bombing a Bus

Canned Art

Bubble Boy

High Wire Bear Feeder

Manitoba Thunderstorm

Watermelon Shark

Curses, Foiled Again

Recipe Holder

Where Do You Want To Eat?