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Texas Holiday Lights

Bubba lights up his Christmas tree with jingle bells and shotgun shells

Texas Holiday Lights thanks to Keith Blake

Soon to be discontinued on the Duck Dynasty Christmas Wish List

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. - William Shakespeare

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons. - Ruth Ann Schabacker

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns. - W S Gilbert

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

There's something fundamentally wrong with bringing a knife to a gun fight. - Sean Connery

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I'm a Catholic deer hunter. I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion. - Paul Ryan

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

The purpose of life is to discover your gifts, and the meaning of life is to give them away. - Martin Seligman

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

The policemen or soldiers are only a gun in the establishments hand. They make the racist secure in his racism. - Huey Newton

Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas. - Joseph Stalin

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon


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