Trunk Drinkers

I drink therefore I am. - WC Fields

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Always drink upstream from the herd. - Will Rogers

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. - Addison Mizner

My drinking team has a sailing problem. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Those who drink to forget, please pay in advance. - Irish Saying

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. - WC Fields

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. - Unknown

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not. - Brendan Behan

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. - Clement Freud

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.) - Dorothy Parker

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz