#1 humor site on the 'net

Turn Into Lanes

When a road guide is required for traffic signs and signals

Turn Into Lanes thanks to Dave Loewen

Directions for the accident prone driver

'But officer, I was turning when I turned into an accident!'
QuotaBills
Turn your wounds into wisdom. - Oprah Winfrey

Ratify: To use a spell and turn a person into a rodent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation. - Michael Jordan

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. - Sydney J. Harris

If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave. - Samuel Goldwyn

Things don't turn up in this world until somebody turns them up. - James A. Garfield

We cannot walk alone... We cannot turn back... I have a dream today! - Martin Luther King Jr

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

There is much greatness of mind in acknowledging a good turn, as in doing it. - Seneca

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

Life's a roller coaster, and you never know when it's going to take a turn. - Ty Pennington

Imagination, of course, can open any door - turn the key and let terror walk right in. - Truman Capote

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

The trouble with free elections is that you never know how they are going to turn out. - Vyacheslav Molotov

When we panic, we instinctively turn to our own internal resources because we doubt Him. - Charles R. Swindoll

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The great comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young. - Paul Dickson

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I dreamt of you last night, as if I was playing the piano and you were turning the pages for me. - Vladimir Nabokov

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

When one has reached eighty-one, one likes to sit back and let the world turn by itself, without trying to push it. - Sean O'Casey

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

A life of unremitting caution, without the carefree - or even, occasionally, the careless - may turn out to be half a life. - Anna Quindlen

Reporter to Beatles during their first US tour: "How do you find America?"
Ringo Starr: "Turn left at Greenland." - Ringo Starr

If Aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. - Stephen Hawking

Give your subconscious a chance to work by turning your brain off from time to time. Don't focus on work or solving problems constantly. - Harvey Mackay

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

Hope gives life meaning. And hope is based on the prospect of being able one day to turn the actual world into a possible one that looks better. - Francois Jacob

All my life, I have been a celebrant of Halloween. For me, it is the most important day of the year, the turning point in the old pagan calendar. - John Burnside

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

Your surfing can get better on every turn, on every wave you catch. Learn to read the ocean better. A big part of my success has been wave knowledge. - Kelly Slater


Gyprock Prayer

Barn Art

Submarine Tea

NAACP Cover Up

Quad Shot

Princess Parking

Restaurant Wait-er

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

Butterfly Lens

Pentecost Sunday

Pike Mouth Nest

Improvise, Adapt, Overcome

Flower Lips

Bird Walker

Never Go Full Retard

Multi-Pilot Jet

Teethbrushes

Dinner Preparation: Here's looking at you!

Picture Perfect

Same Mistake Twice

How To Build A Fence

Horse-Back Riding

Social Distancing Fine

Burnout Indication