You May Pet Me

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. - Steven Wright

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

I was readin' an article about the animal population - there's millions of pets explodin'. - Archie Bunker

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash