#1 humor site on the 'net

Baboon Chorus

Primates cheer for their local team

Baboon Chorus thanks to Howard Chapman

Monkey See as Monkey Do

Baboons are African and Arabian Old World monkeys belonging to the genus Papio, part of the subfamily Cercopithecinae

QuotaBills
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? - George Carlin

Watchdog: Animal that keeps the best time - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

Only animals were not expelled from Paradise. - Milan Kundera

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. - Unknown

Trouble came - as trouble so often does - with a monkey. - Paul Collins

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only meat I eat is from animals I've killed myself. - Mark Zuckerberg

All animals are minor variations on a very particular theme. - Richard Dawkins

The surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him. - Robert Benchley

We're the only animal that wakes up and doesn't stretch. - Conor McGregor

Well, yous 2 may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me. - Archie Bunker

I never act. I simply bring out the real animal that's in me. - Willem Dafoe

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? - George Carlin

There's a good animal show on with that kindly old gent, Marlons Perkos. - Archie Bunker

Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem. - A A Milne

I'm thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, 'Why stop at one?' - Robert Downey Jr

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. - Marjorie Johnson

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen. - Quvenzhane Wallis

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. - P J O'Rourke

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy

Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people's drama, repeat these words: Not my circus, not my monkeys. - Polish Proverb

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Animals have one thing that puts them way ahead of people: they don't dissemble, and you don't have to pretend in front of them. - Ivan Klima

Ugly animals have it rough. We're more likely to eat them or let them go extinct, and less likely to adopt them from animal shelters. - Joshua A Krisch

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it. - Robert Brault

I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around. - Ernest Hemingway

Animals are like little angels sent to earth to teach us how to love. They don't get angry or play silly games. They are always there for us. - Whitney Mandel


Idling Eric Idle

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

High Heel Diver

Rising To The Occasion

Annual Meeting of the Ontario Summer Tires Club

I See You

Get Off Your High Horse

Redneck Towing

Revenge of the Stallion

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Rat Cut

Spot the Hidden Barred Owl

Smoking Hot Body

Billy the Eagle Owl

Star Wars Fisherman

The Devil's Swimming Pool

Pet Dentist

Nuts And Fruitcakes

Spiral Staircase

Scubaru

Nordern Minnesota Yeneral Store

Pigeon Drink

Epic Turban

Healthy Breakfast