Baby-Proof Christmas Tree

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash