Baby-Proof Christmas Tree

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you. - Jay-Z

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Kidnap: 1. Something that a young child takes when tired; 2. When a baby goat sleeps. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein