#1 humor site on the 'net

Backwards Clock

Going back in time

Backwards Clock thanks to Becky Latimer

Some people live in the past

QuotaBills
The future comes one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

It takes a long time to grow young. - Pablo Picasso

Spring is the time of plans and projects. - Leo Tolstoy

Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.' - Casablanca

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend. - John Singer Sargent

You may ask me for anything you like except time. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. - Groucho Marx

There is always a time to make right what is wrong. - Susan Griffin

Time goes, you say? Ah, no! Alas, Time stays, we go. - Austin Dobson

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches. - Steven Wright

Keep your best wishes close to your heart and watch what happens. - Tony DeLiso

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? - John Wooden

Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time. - Malcolm Muggeridge

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick. - Bill Lemley

Often we have no time for our friends, but all the time in the world for our enemies. - Billy Joel

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is. - Thomas Szasz

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. - Benjamin Franklin

I am going to give a long speech today. I haven't had time to prepare a short one. - Winston Churchill

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time. - Steven Wright

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket. - Evan Esar

You can lead audiences to a half-dressed, aging pop star but you can't make them watch. - Megan Basham

If you haven't time to respond to a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too crowded. - Robert Brault

Everything slows down with age. Except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips. - John Wagner

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

It's a myth that you can't have it all. You can have it all. Just maybe not at the same time. - Eva Longoria

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn

This time I wouldn't forget him, because I couldn't ever forgive him - for breaking my heart twice. - James Patterson

Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. - Jane Austen

Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it. - Mia Hamm

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force. - Dorothy L Sayers

I don't think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith. - Nicholas Sparks

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. - Jim Henson

She knows that feeling too. Of believing that each time someone says her name, it’s to tell her that something bad has happened. - Melina Marchetta

A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular. - Solange Nicole

A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right person at the right time and at the right place, and when we expect nothing in return. - Vyasa

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Head Path

Proper English

Reese Witherspoon

Phones At Six

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Whiskey Lurks Good

Tetris Couch

Canadian Alphabet

Love Rocks

Benadryl Cumquat

In It For The Long Haul

Ready Soon

Mud Flops

Been Lapped

How To Use The New 1940 Dial Telephone

Garmin Drive

Redneck Bucket List

Rotating Illusion - Pink Eye Trick

Boneless Bananas

That's My Bed

Eye For Coffee

Logging Moose

Firemen's Revenge