#1 humor site on the 'net

Bird Melons

Some people thought that Teresa had the biggest melons at the fair

Bird Melons thanks to Keith Blake

Melons are members of the cucurbit family

Some Canada Geese overstay their welcome

QuotaBills
Koozeeny (zucchini) - Archie Bunker

Abstain from beans. - Pythagoras

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown

Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

Forget Cutie, I'd rather be Pumpkin! - Unknown

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

Laughter is brightest where food is best. - Irish Proverb

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food. - Russia Proverb

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

The automatic stabilizer is unemployment insurance, food stamps, additional coverage of Medicaid. - Franklin Raines

I'd rather sit alone on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion. - Henry David Thoreau

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown

All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell


Sick Tombstone

No Drip

Gun Leash

Whole Human

Antler Field

Moon Football

Bike Rack

Straight From The Cow

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Lateral Thinking

Da Hood Shirt

Quiet Place To Study

No Beatle Haircuts

Lego Anatomy

His First Hot Rod

Hair Safety

Open Air Reader

Vacation At Last

Cutting Edge Delivery

Sunset Eclipse

Diet Swing

Lamp Escape

Strong Straws

Lucky Spectator