Bonus Baby

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Deceitful: Infant who needs changing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. - American Proverb

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not its twin. - Barbara Kingsolver

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The story of Easter is the story of God's wonderful window of divine surprise. - Carl Knudsen

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Kidnap: 1. Something that a young child takes when tired; 2. When a baby goat sleeps. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. - George S Patton

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds