British League of Pessimists

He was not only a bore; he bored for England. - Malcolm Muggeridge

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. - Phyllis Diller

A hypocrite is a man who pays his taxes with a smile. - Will Rogers

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. - Unknown

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with. - WC Fields

Maybe one day we will be glad to remember even these hardships. - Virgil

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect. - Dylan Moran

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

If you have the smile of God, all other frowns are inconsequential. - Tim Keller

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. - Winston Churchill

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. - Don Marquis

When life gives you Limes rearrange the letters until they say Smile. - joe-kster

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery. - Walter Winchell

Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world. - Unknown

Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile. - Phoebe L. Moll

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole. - Unknown

Laughter is a uniting force; it brings people together, and it makes hardship easier. - Montaigne

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. - Oscar Wilde

Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. - Michelle Obama

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

In the long run, the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. - Unknown

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. - Steven Wright

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

We can smile even though we are hurting and we can feel happy even though we are unhappy. It's called strength. - Thea Destiny

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - Oscar Wilde

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin