Canadian Mail

Canada was built on dead beavers. - Margaret Atwood

I got a unanimous (anonymous) letter - Archie Bunker

Raw lobster tail, freeze dried, is amazing. - Nathan Myhrvold

BANG - A four-letter Italian word for good-bye. - Archie Bunker

I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party. - Craig Ferguson

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. - Josh Billings

That letter's too old! What I mean to say - it's subspired. - Archie Bunker

If you call ham "Canadian bacon", what do you call bacon? - Michael Kelso

I've only been to these foreign countries: Canada, L.A. and Miami. - Larry the Cable Guy

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? - Mark Twain

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying. - Lawrence Durrell

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The number one job facing the middle class... a three-letter word, jobs, J-O-B-S. - Joe Biden

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. - Blaise Pascal

I'm kinda disapointed that Canada isn't like the South Park movie said it was. - Joel Madden

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

The automatic stabilizer is unemployment insurance, food stamps, additional coverage of Medicaid. - Franklin Raines

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job. - Napoleon Hill

I have great, fond memories of Canada. I feel that one day my bones will more than likely end up there. - Aden Young

Make no mistake. Canada is not a bilingual country. In fact it is less bilingual today than it has ever been. - Stephen Harper

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

I was born in Canada for a reason. It was because my parents wanted me to have the freedoms that this country offers. - Patrick Chan

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

My dream is for people around the world to look up and to see Canada like a little jewel sitting at the top of the continent. - Tommy Douglas

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" - Steven Wright

If you're skinny and you can't play hockey in Canada, you aren't left with a lot of options. I was left with running. - Malcolm Gladwell

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Let me put it this way. Canada is not so much a country as a holding tank filled with the disgruntled progeny of defeated peoples. - Mordecai Richler

I have a maple leaf tattoo over my heart, quite literally, and my two favorite things on Earth are being in Canada and making movies. - Jay Baruchel

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes. - Tommy Douglas