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Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I'm with you kid, let's go. - Maya Angelou

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can't come out and those outside don't want to get it. - Arthur Brisbane

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain