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France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

Colliefornia: The American state that has gone to the dogs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Juvenile Delinquent: 1. A youngster who has been given a free hand but not in the proper place; 2. A kid who starts acting like his parents. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com