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France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz