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France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. - Robert Frost

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Bed and Breakfast: Two things the kids will never make for themselves - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I'm with you kid, let's go. - Maya Angelou

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person. - Unknown

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can't come out and those outside don't want to get it. - Arthur Brisbane

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash