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Check This Out thanks to Ruth Weber

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Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: I'm with you kid, let's go. - Maya Angelou

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks. - Rick Lantern

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah


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