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France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

An angry dog is best led by its tail. - Unknown

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

Wok The Dog: Specialty at Vietnamese Restaurants - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Arpeggio: The story book kid with the big nose that grows - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it. - John Locke

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks. - Rick Lantern

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah