#1 humor site on the 'net

Computer Resuscitation

CPR for dying laptops

Computer Resuscitation thanks to Barry McCartney

Bystander cardiopulmonary resuscitation in a metropolitan city

QuotaBills
The computer is a moron. - Peter F Drucker

Defect-free software does not exist. - Wietse Venema

You can't write poetry on the computer. - Quentin Tarantino

We don't need nukes. We have the internet. - Alice Minium

Immunity to boredom gives the computer an edge. - Alan Lakein

A girl with cotton stockings never sees a mouse. - American Proverb

Real Soon Now: When the software will be shipped - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A mouse never entrusts his life to only one hole. - Plautus

Mobile is a lot closer to TV than it is to desktop. - Mark Zuckerberg

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. - John F Kennedy

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. - Jeff Pesis

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak

That picture with Lon Chaney - "Of Mouse And Men." - Archie Bunker

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet. - Will Ferrell

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. - Ken Olson

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

People who are really serious about software should make their own hardware. - Alan Kay

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. - Kin Hubbard

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Please leave my computer alone. The only cookies I want to get are the ones I can eat. - Heather Wolf

Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

I don't like creating software anymore. It's too exact. It's like karate; there's no room for error. - John Maeda

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

From sixdegrees to Friendster to Facebook, social networking has become a familiar and ubiquitous part of the Internet. - David Kirkpatrick

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

Until Facebook came along, there was hardly anywhere on the public Internet where you had to operate with your real name. - David Kirkpatrick

Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her. - Ryan Reynolds

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. - Penn Jillette

Just think how far we've come in the 20th Century. The man who used to be a cog in the wheel is now a digit in the computer. - Robert Fuoss

The day I made that statement, about inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the camcorder. - Al Gore

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mouse trap you set the night before. - Kin Hubbard

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

For the past 10 years, corporations have been trained that they should use all the different media. But the Internet is becoming the umbrella. - Larry Weber

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright


Handicap Porch

Tip Generator

Waiting For Windows To Boot

So Close

Pork Chops

Brazilian Covid

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Nothing Wrong Picture

Cook Ring

Zipperhead

Politicians Be Like

Bridge Uplift

Beach Drag

Do Not Feed The Bears

Does Your Hedgehog Bite?

A Woman's Mind

Spaghetti Starter

Sidewalk Pickpocket

Wing Wedding

Relaxing Surgery

Fish Injuries

Nuclear Waste Truck

Rock Watcher

Frog Waltz