Cooking For Guys

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Don't date a guy that takes more selfies than you do. - Unknown

I'm a terrible cook, but I make very good lobster salad. - Nancy Carell

A crude meal, no doubt, but the best of all sauces is hunger. - Edward Abbey

Smoke detectors are basically just you-suck-at-cooking detectors. - Julius Sharpe

You can't fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal. - William S. Burroughs

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. - Bob Hope

If you play acoustic guitar you're the depressed, sensitive guy. - Elliott Smith

I'm a guy who can't function well in life, but I can in art. - Woody Allen

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

My weak spot is laziness. Oh, I have a lot of weak spots: cookies, croissants. - Anthony Hopkins

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. - Jay Leno

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

The rich take life one financial year at a time. The poor take life one meal at a time. - Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

I ain't got nothing in that hand. Look at that, this guy is suspective of everything. - Archie Bunker

It used to be that when all else failed, a guy went into the army; now he becomes a consultant. - Blackie Sherrod

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.' - Johnny Carson

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. - Neil Gaiman

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

You're the guy that'll be sneaking out of your bedroom at three o'clock in the morning to look at your bike. - Paul Teutul

I tell ya, I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighbourhood!" - Rodney Dangerfield

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

Thousands and thousands of guys applied to be on the show... Some of them were crazy. Some of them were so much into themselves. - Donald Trump

Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss

They just wanna get rid of us old guys over 50 that's all, and put us out to pasture. Well I ain't ready to be pasteurized! - Archie Bunker

There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't... and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. - Unknown

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

I ain't got no respect for no religion where the head guy claims he can't make no mistakes. Like he's, waddya call, inflammable. - Archie Bunker

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman