Dad's Turn

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

De-caffeinated: What a cow gets when it has a baby - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things. - Conan O'Brien

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you. - Jay-Z

After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. - Arthur Schopenhauer

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men. - Gregory E Lang

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? - Benny Hill

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer. - Andy Warhol

The greatest tribute a boy can give to his father is to say, 'When I grow up, I want to be just like my Dad.' - Billy Graham

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Every dad, if he takes time out of his busy life to reflect upon his fatherhood, can learn ways to become an even better dad. - Jack Baker

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

Lookin' back all I can say about all the things he did for me is I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be. - Brad Paisley

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds