Fowl Play

When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

There's no place in racism for football. - Gareth Thomas

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. - Mitch Hedberg

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become. - Mary McGrory

You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. - Jimmy Breslin

It is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football. - John Heisman

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the off-season. - Tom Coughlin

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath. - Michael Caine

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. - Vince Lombardi

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. - Phyllis Diller

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life. - Groucho Marx

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy