#1 humor site on the 'net

Fowl Play

Free Range Soccer League

Fowl Play thanks to Malachi Defries

Clothing for country Football fans

Fowl Play thanks to Malachi Defries

QuotaBills
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

There's no place in racism for football. - Gareth Thomas

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. - Mitch Hedberg

You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

All I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football. - Albert Camus

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the off-season. - Tom Coughlin

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath. - Michael Caine

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. - Phyllis Diller

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. - George Will

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life. - Groucho Marx

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy


Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Fake News

Steep Steps

Better Lawyer

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Snow Detour

No Time For This

Kwik-Mart Math

Croatian Landscaping

Best Fairy Tale

Back In Five Minutes

Winterized Motorcycle

If IKEA Ran GM

Six Hunnit

Different Drugs

Extreme Value

Spotted Spotters

Ant Attack

Facebook Closure

African Meal on Wheels

Hadoukens

Free Gas

Wannabe Shoplifter

Breaker Bypass