Girlfriends

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

Veiled Threat: When your girlfriend hints at a wedding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jello: The only food your husband has ever learned to cook - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

My husband's idea of a good night out is a good night in. - Maureen Lipman

Here's to our wives and girlfriends - may they never meet. - Groucho Marx

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Do you Edith....take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband? - Archie Bunker

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

The husband who desires to surprise is often very much surprised himself. - Voltaire

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. - Tom Ward

Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband. - American Proverb

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love

Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way. - Lauren Bacall

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer