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Grandma's Remedies

How to control digestion and high blood pressure

Grandma's Remedies thanks to Mike King

Living to a ripe old age

“For better digestion, I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick!”

QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Seneca

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

The remedy for life's broken pieces is not classes, workshops or books. Don't try to heal the broken pieces. Just forgive. - Iyanla Vanzant

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


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