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Grandma's Remedies

How to control digestion and high blood pressure

Grandma's Remedies thanks to Mike King

Living to a ripe old age

“For better digestion, I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick!”

QuotaBills
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I've held silence a remedy for harm. - Aeschylus

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Henry David Thoreau

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Concern for someone else was a good remedy for taking the mind off one's own troubles. - Elizabeth Aston

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that's beautiful. - Rashida Jones

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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