How Russians Play Chess

Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40-mph chess. - Lowell Cohn

You can only get good at chess if you love the game. - Bobby Fischer

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. - Woody Allen

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

It's safer to be a chess player than a chess piece. - Mary Foley

Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Winston Churchill

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back. - Bob Hope

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income. - Will Rogers

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. - Jeff Garlin

You'd play me chess, about which I don't even know how to deal. - Archie Bunker

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

If you don't know how great this country is, I know someone who does; Russia. - Robert Frost

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party can always find you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

Human affairs are like a chess game: Only those who do not take it seriously can be called good players. - Hung Tzu-ch'eng

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's easy for me to get along with chess players. Even though we are all very different, we have chess in common. - Magnus Carlsen

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

My idea is to make moves to bring chess back to the world's map, to make it part of the world's geography again. - Anatoly Karpov

You have to be cool under pressure. You have to be a strategist like chess, and you have to use geometry like billiards. - Bill McBride

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. - Yakov Smirnoff

Negotiating with Obama is like playing chess with a pigeon. The pigeon knocks over all the pieces, shits on the board and then struts around like it won the game. - Vladimir Putin

Crossword puzzles, Sudoku. I'm good at all those things. It's not daily, but I'll do stuff on the airplane. I love playing chess. It's my favorite game. - Larry Fitzgerald

The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community, in the sense of having nuclear missiles. - Dave Barry