#1 humor site on the 'net

How To Burn Fat

Simple diet plan for those with a will to succeed

How To Burn Fat thanks to Liz Ward, Squamish, B.C.

Quicker than liposuction and easy to start

QuotaBills
Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

It's simple. If it jiggles, it's fat. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's better to burn out than to fade away. - Neil Young

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

Inspiration fires you up; motivation keeps you burning. - Stuart Aken

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. - Jackie Gleason

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire? - Jerry Seinfeld

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. - Abigail Van Buren

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

Great souls by instinct by each other turn
Demand alliance, and in friendship burn. - Joseph Addison

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn? - Bob Hope

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

Life, if you're fat, is a minefield - you have to pick your way, otherwise you blow up. - Miriam Margolyes

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

I have never seen anyone burn a flag. And if I did, it would take every ounce of restraint I had not to haul off and hit them. - Barack Obama

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

If you are bored with life, if you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don't have enough goals. - Lou Holtz

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame. - Sandra L. Douglas

Well, yes, I've fired a lot of people. Generally I like other people to fire, because it's always a lousy task. But I have fired many people. - Donald Trump


If IKEA Ran GM

Six Hunnit

Different Drugs

Extreme Value

Spotted Spotters

Ant Attack

Facebook Closure

African Meal on Wheels

Hadoukens

Free Gas

Wannabe Shoplifter

Breaker Bypass

Ice Hand

Invisible Homeless Man

No Muff Too Tough

Safe Removals

Yoga Business Card

Segway in Rural Norway

Mom Lookout

Dog Diner

It's Too Cold To Ride Outside

Ye Olde Simple Simon

High Tensile Snow

Target Entry