Kickback - England

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become. - Mary McGrory

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

What Great Britain calls the Far East is to us the near north. - Robert Gordon Menzies

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

It is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football. - John Heisman

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Britain's most useful role is somewhere between bee and dinosaur. - Harold MacMillan

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

All I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football. - Albert Camus

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport. - Vince Lombardi

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark. - Duncan Spaeth

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. - Steven Wright

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

May I never be drunk enough to try to play a foosball table alone like that dude over there who actually is. - Dr. Okay Times

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin