Kickback - England

Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

England can never be ruined except by a Parliament. - Lord Burleigh

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. - Mitch Hedberg

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. - Unknown

Fan Belt: What a soccer fan uses to keep his trousers up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become. - Mary McGrory

The monarchical institution in England is immensely valuable. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Rain is the one thing the British do better than anybody else. - Marilyn French

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets. - Jimmy Breslin

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the off-season. - Tom Coughlin

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

The British have a remarkable talent for keeping calm, even when there is no crisis. - Franklin P Jones

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - Joe Thiesmann

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. - Shaquille O'Neal

Eternity: 1. The last two minutes of a football game; 2. The time between you coming and her going. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry, and he's got Mad Power Disease. - Paula Abdul

If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British red as possible. - Cecil Rhodes

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin