Merry House

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Theater: House of thrill repute - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

A house divided against itself cannot stand. - Abraham Lincoln

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. - Unknown

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Who marries for love without money has merry nights and sorry days. - Scottish Proverb

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

Census Taker: A man who goes from house to house increasing the population. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

Crafting fills my life, and my closets, and my drawers, and every empty tote bag in the house. - Unknown

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

No guest is so welcome in a friend's house that he will not become a nuisance after three days. - Plautus

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon