#1 humor site on the 'net

Mom's Kid

Happy Mother's Day from her only child

Mom's Kid thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Weird kids are even more special on Mother's Day

QuotaBills
Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

The best part of him ran down his mother's legs. - Jackie Gleason

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. - Erma Bombeck

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy Fisher

There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

Diaper Change

Palestinian Security Check

Wurst-Case Scenario

High-Rise Inifinity Pool