#1 humor site on the 'net

Morning Coffee

How to handle a very strong cup of Java

Morning Coffee thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Keep your distance from this morning's brew

QuotaBills
I was bitten by an octopus. - Ted Cruz

Come quickly, I am drinking the stars. - Dom Perignon

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. - Apocalypse Now

I'd stop drinking but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown

Be willing to be a beginner every single morning. - Meister Eckhart

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek

Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage

Safety Belt: The one you don't drink before driving home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. - WC Fields

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. - G K Chesterton

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. - Founder's Breakfast Stout

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. - Lou Duva

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

Bad Luck: To have thirteen people seated at the table when you’re paying for the drinks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch. - Peter Cook

Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

Like a morning dream, life becomes more and more bright the longer we live, and the reason of everything appears more clear. - Jean Paul Richter

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

This is what I grew up on in Alsace. It's choucroute. I'd wake up every morning with the smell of cabbage and potatoes and pork. - Jean-Georges Vongerichten

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Stretch Exercises You Can Do At Your Desk

A Foot Of Sun

Sushi Spine

Police Targeting

Happy Bird's Eye UU

Moose Parking

Glassman

Paint Pants

World Cup Attention Getter

Fear Of Light

Bird Condo

Very Cold Beer

Seniors Bike Club

Watching The World Cup

Friendly BBQ Reminder

Geek Piano

Ugly Haircut

XL Safety Shoes

Dance With Me

Secret Exit

Drawing A Fine Line

Fastest Land Mammal

First Driving Lesson

Foot-Ball