#1 humor site on the 'net

Morning Coffee

How to handle a very strong cup of Java

Morning Coffee thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Keep your distance from this morning's brew

QuotaBills
Coffee and love taste best when hot. - German Proverb

Come quickly, I am drinking the stars. - Dom Perignon

Work is the curse of the drinking class. - Oscar Wilde

Early in the morning when the crows cock. - Archie Bunker

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. - T S Eliot

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Those who drink to forget, please pay in advance. - Irish Saying

Some people like to eat octopus. Liberals, mostly. - Russell Baker

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Was the ground cold when you crawled out this morning? - Henny Youngman

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. - WC Fields

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. - G K Chesterton

A real New Yorker likes the sound of a garbage truck in the morning. - R.L. Stine

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? - Norton Juster

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. - WC Fields

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

I'm a Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death. - Jack Kerouac

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

A half finished shawl left on the coffee table isn't a mess; it's an object of art. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, "I believe," three times. - Ovid

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves. - Phyllis Diller

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. - Henny Youngman

I have a feeling there's a correlation between getting up in the morning and getting up in the world. - Milton Berle

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown


Bottle Curtains

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Frozen Eyelashes

Chipwrecked

Moose Parking

Long Winter

Another Day In Traffic

How A Leader Leads

We Haul It All

Find Your Purpose

Something Witty

Frozen America

Woodcutter Birthday Cake

That's My Bed

Laxative Cream Pie

Crow Species

Japanese Eye Test

Donut Hole History

The Original Homeland Security

Bustache

I Will Never Tell

Vancouver Snow Plow

Costco Wheels